Tits or GTFO.

From the outrage discussed on this blog post about SERAM by Sharon Moss and Lyz Liddell you would think that as FEMALES were walking in to SERAM, the males were telling them tits or get the fuck out. As a female, I feel incredibly pissed, offended, cheapened, and annoyed by reading this post. I was at the SERAM, and I can't remember feeling objectified or put down as a female at any point during the weekend. SERAM was an amazing event, and to me it seems as if Sharon and Liz made the unorganized, mendacity of a blog post to bitch for the sake of bitching.

You may not be aware, but I moved to Alabama from Michigan about a year and a half ago. In Michigan I was an atheist but never felt the need to join organized atheism because in Michigan beliefs were treated like penises, you can have one and be proud of it, but don't take it out in public, and don't shove it down peoples throats. As soon as I moved to Alabama I realized things were a bit different. Here everyone wants to show you their penis, and they want to know all about yours too. (metaphorically) This made me feel the need to join organized atheism. I found the NAFA group and after being scared to go to anything for about four months (I am really shy), I finally went. I bring all this up because I had read whiney bitch posts like the one above previously, and I thought that free thought groups were full of sexism and that guys were constantly slapping the girls asses or something. After attending a few events, I realized that NAFA wasn't sexist at all (well beyond sarcastic sexism).

Now the post made about SERAM makes me question every single other feminist whiny post I have read in regards to atheism. I missed the local panel (To quote a fellow atheist, I was practicing my god given right to sleep in on Sundays) but from what I heard from everyone I talked to, the lady who freaked out about being called a female totally overreacted. I heard this account from about a 50-50 spread of males and females, so I tend to think it is accurate. As for what was said about Sean Faircloth's talk, the account in the blog (which now happens to be cut out) was entirely inaccurate. The talk was about empowering women. It talked about how sex is a good thing, and how your only rule should be "consenting adults". The million dollar challenge was also not sexist. It showed how women, due to evolution, are the gatekeepers when it comes to sex. Evolutionarily it makes more sense for guys to have sex with as many females as possible, whereas a female will look for someone who is both sexually attractive and who seems like they would make a good partner in child rearing. I mean this is not necessarily how things work now, (there are plenty of guys out there who are in committed monogamous relationships, and many girls ((me)) who have no interest in having children ever) but overall it is still how things tend to happen. Sean was trying to point out that if a guy is determined to have sex with a random stranger by midnight, it probably won't happen, but if a girl wants to, she can probably make it happen. If anything, I think this is offensive to men, (apparently men can't control their dicks?) but some people feel like it was objectifying women because men might think about having sex with them. I am sure some guys did look around, pick a girl, and say, "I would try to sleep with that girl", but I can tell you that when Sean asked the same question of girls, I too looked around and picked at least three guys I think I would have been able to sleep with. Does this make me sexist? I HOPE SO!

Basically, the post about sexism at SERAM made it hard for me to even think straight. I really just wanted to post really obnoxious sexist comments to start a flame war because I was so full of anger. If you want to complain, get something fucking real to complain about. Shut the FUCK UP about your poor feminist morals being offended. If you want to get rid of sexism in atheism (though now I question on whether it is even there at all) start respecting yourself, and stop posting ignorant shit where you sound like a whiny 13 year old, then maybe people will treat you as an equal.


nicole.

Withdrawing from social activities.

As of lately, I feel as if my level of personal interaction has gone way down. The weird thing is, I have been communicating with a lot more people, but they are all on facebook. I have this large network of what I like to refer to as fake friends. I have been going to work at 6am, and I immediately start listening to my ipod or pandora, at two I get out of work and go to my lab class where I also listen to my ipod. Around five I get done with class, and I run on the treadmill instead of running with a group (which I used to do), and when I get done, I go home and drink PBR while hanging out with my dog and my large group of fake friends. From what I have seen, I am not the only one like this. It is incredibly more effective to find friends on facebook who may be from anywhere on earth, that share your common interests. The chances of me going to a bar or something in Huntsville and actually finding someone I would want to hang out with are pretty slim. My reliance on facebook for social interaction makes me laugh, and also kind of makes me want to take a toaster in the bath. It makes me wish that there as such thing as the Metaverse like in Snowcrash. It would be nice to be able to interact with my fake friends as avatars instead of just messaging back and forth.

I am currently very obsessed with Mumford and Sons.. I can't get enough.

nicole.

Music/life

I have been discovering all kinds of new music this week, and it has been awesome. I started listening to All Songs Considered, and I am so glad that I did. I am amazed that up to this point I had missed the band Black Keys, they are so grand.

I read two books last night. It is crazy, I have nothing to do at all, but at least I am catching up on some reading. One of the books was Enders Game which is absolutely amazing. If you haven't read it, I recommend it wholeheartedly.

I think I may be getting a dog which is pretty sweet. I love animals and ever since I lost my kitties in the divorce, I have wanted some sort of animal companionship in my life. I think a dog will be perfect because I can take it on runs with me.

It seems that in my life I have varying phases of depression or happiness, and that for the most part I seem to have no control over these. Since around last January, I have been relatively happy. (Mind you this isn't all the time, I just mean on average, I would say I was happy) I think this has changed recently. The fact that my family moved from Huntsville leaving me in my house alone has hit me hard. I have never been good at relating to people. I could be for various reasons I guess, but most likely it has to do with the fact that I probably have an undiagnosed condition such as Aspergers or HFA. This means that I now live in a town in which I am 12 hours from my closest relatives, I don't talk on the phone, and I really don't talk to that many people in person. I am about to become a hermit, and this makes me unhappy. I am bad at social interaction, but this doesn't mean I don't want any social interaction. I actually quite like when I find someone I can talk to without feeling totally awkward. Since I have moved here, I have managed to make two friends. Previously I was hanging out with these two friends almost constantly, but now our jobs are making that quite a problem. I work first shift, one friend works second, and the other works third.

I have been trying to overcome this social anxiety and inability to relate to people, but nothing seems to help. I joined roller derby, I started running, and I joined a meetup group that does outdoor adventures. I haven't managed to make any friends from these activities, which makes me feel worse. I observe that everyone who is in the groups is friends with everyone else, but I never manage to break in. I think I am going to have to start becoming very serious about running and roller derby. If I refocus my energy in to athletics there is a chance I can prevent the inevitable self destruction I always seem to bring on myself. When I am depressed, I tend to make terrible life decisions. The only things I can effectively do while depressed is sleep, get drunk, and spend money that I don't have. I have trouble going to work, and I definitely have trouble getting myself to exercise. Depression even gets in the way of reading for me. Normally reading, running and eating are all among my favorite activities, but when I am depressed I don't have interest in any of them.

So this post was pretty pointless, but most of my posts are so I don't really care.

nicole.

Self promotion!

So I play roller derby, and my team is having a people choice award for favorite derby girl. I want to win. Right now I am in 8th. Go vote for me! Here is the link . On another note, I was recently in a podcast, however I wasn't really planning on being in it, I just happened to be around during recording so i say one or two things in the whole podcast, and you can here me laugh often.

Lying to myself is over.

So I ended my marriage. I feel quite confident it was the correct decision. At first things were really bad and I thought perhaps I had made the wrong choice, but I understand now that it is much better to work on happiness alone rather than ignoring yourself because you have someone else. In the marriage I felt trapped. I get bored easily, I am highly motivated, and I don't like to be told what to do. I am not sure why I would have decided that getting married was a good idea in the first place, but I am guessing it had something to do with youth. No doubt I am still young, but I like to think that I have grown at least slightly from this experience. I now know that friends are transient, and if you do something that they disagree with, they are quick to flee. Through ending my marriage though I got to see characteristics of my soon ex that make it apparent why I would have wanted to end it. For one, I told him about possibly wanting a divorce and he flipped out, quit his job, and moved back to Michigan within three days. He never even tried to talk to me about it. Also he told me he wanted to murder me, and that his friend was going to kick my ass if she saw me, all of which were very mature. I was married to an unmotivated, dependent, manchild and it was doomed from the beginning. He also took just about everything of value that we (read as me since I bought them) owned including things that were mine alone like my iPod and DS. The worse part of all of this though is the fact that he took my cats. He never even wanted cats, and I am quite sure he did it just because he knew it would make me sad. He also decided to write status about our divorce on facebook after unfriending me but staying friends with all of my family members. They all got to read his rants about how I am cold and not even just cold, but the queen of cold, the Ice Queen!

What I have learned from all of this? When you get a bad feeling about someone early in the relationship, don't delude yourself in to thinking things will get better.